The guy who cuts my grass broke a window on May 17th. Two weeks later, I still don’t have a firm schedule for its repair – although I did finally get a price quoted. In my retirement transition, I’ve been focused on this hole and angry. It’s a symbol of everything that is broken and that I’ve been waiting to get fixed. Now that I am retired, that which used to be a nuisance, sometimes becomes an obsession. I retired from a career in power where I worried about the scope of outages, when the next hurricane might come, and a myriad of daily decisions and administrative matters. Now, my decisions are like this:
- Should I do spin class on Monday-Wednesday-Friday, or Tuesday-Thursday-Saturday this week?
- What shifts should I sign up for at the gallery and charity shop?
- What day should I go kayaking?
- What night is “Whine Night” with the girls?
And my problems are like this:
- I’m exhausted from all the travel I’m doing.
- Hurricane Harvey has put such a heavy demand on contractors, that I have to wait weeks for the simplest of repairs.
- My water bill was $300, now what?
- The mail hasn’t been delivered yet and its 4pm!
- Whose truck is that parked in front of my house?
You get the picture. I recognized this behavior in my Father when he retired, and found it so irritating. The result of a comfortable, otherwise stress free life on the mind of someone who is used to juggling a multitude of priorities. I’m an example of privilege and its problems. I hate that! After all, my house did not flood during Hurricane Harvey. I’m fortunate, just inconvenienced by the workload of those who weren’t. I find this aspect of retirement transition very frustrating and wonder if anyone else had these thoughts/emotions during their first year or so?
Meanwhile, I’m going to back away from the hole and try to focus on a different picture. Although my picture window is shattered, it’s tempered and double glazed. Instead of being a threat, its beautiful and fascinating. I should follow my cat’s lead and stare out in wonder.